Unified Quantum Beer Theory Of The Universe

In the past I have read Stephen Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time” and recently I read the book “Surely You’re joking Mr. Feynman”. Both very interesting reads, Hawking’s book being the heavier lifting of the 2. Right now I’m starting Michio Kaku’s “Physics of the impossible”, and I must say that it has my mind working overtime. I can hardly read a page without a tsunami of thoughts flooding into my brain, but there is one thought in particular that I’m caught on.

Many of these thoughts have to do with my questioning of the origins of the Big Bang, as well as my thoughts on the eventual fate of the universe. I keep thinking that, regardless of the amount of time, how could the Universe possibly just fizzle out? If everything did in fact come from a “Big Bang”, then surely something equally as spectacular has to be in store for it at the end (Blame Newton’s #3 for getting my mind stuck in such a state). Iterating over these thoughts, then doing some more reading, then iterating again, I think I have come up with the Grand Unified Quantum Beer Theory Of The Universe:

Graduating pictures of beer to squirrel


Above I have depicted the only way I know how to make heat death of the universe make any sense (plus it has a handy way of explaining away black holes).  If you think of a glass of beer (that never goes flat) in terms of a 4th physical dimension of space, you can imagine the seemingly spontaneous carbonated bubbles within it as being akin to the creation of a universe (a mini Big Bang).  If you think of the height of the glass as representing time, then you can imagine a bubble being created at the bottom of the glass (the start of time) and eventually floating to the top of the glass (the end of “useful” time). At the top of the glass we have the head of the beer (this “foam” could be analogous to a universe graveyard of sorts). Those bubbles in the head don’t last forever though – they eventually “pop” and some of what made up that bubble settles back down into the glass of beer. .

This theory fits very well inside my feeble brain as it allows for a universe to be spontaneously created, exist, and cease existing without any big hoopla. What’s even better is that many more
universe’s can suddenly appear from the beer/ether because enough stuff inside the beer eventually smacks into other stuff, creating a bubble.

In my mind, this theory also explains away black holes as “leaks in the carbonated bubble”. Because the “Beer” is a 4th dimension of space it becomes a natural extension of any other dimension and can happen anywhere we have 3 dimensions… which is everywhere… except cartoons. It makes sense then that we could have a leak in the bubble (like a hole in a balloon) and some of what is inside the bubble could leak back into the beer itself.

The critics of my theory may ask “If the Universe is in a glass of beer, then what is the glass?”. I will have to defer you to the quantum physicists of the world to answer that, but the short answer is that the glass doesn’t actually have to exist; it’s just a container for this idea that can help it make sense in my 3 dimensionally biased brain. Either you can take that answer or I can defer to Will Smith (via Men in Black) for a completely alternate answer where the glass is actually in a dimly lit bar where a bunch of aliens hang out, but that thought brings you to a circular dependency cycle that never ends; and if I have learned anything from being a computer programmer – circular dependencies are bad, so I’ll stick with my forever bubbly 4th dimension beer that exists everywhere.